Black people are more based than I expected
by justgivingmytwoshekel'sworth
Summary: Hachiman's class has 4 new black students. Hilarity ensues.
1. Intro

On the way to school one day, Hachiman encountered an unusual group of teenagers.

There were four of them. They were all blacks.

They walked into Hachiman's high school. Hachiman was surprised because there were no blacks students in his school.

However, first period was starting so Hachiman let it slip out of his mind. He walked into the classroom only to see the bunch of blacks in front of his class. Sensei was taking attendance.

"Sorry am late," Hachiman apologised and went to his seat. Sensei nodded. Then she cleared her throat and made the announcement.

"Ahem… We have four new students who will be joining our class today…"


	2. Based Kami-sama

"Firstly, we have Harambe Haram," Sensei introduced the first guy in the line. He walked up to the front of the class and bowed courteously.

"Next, we have Trayvonmartin Martin."

The second guys replaced the first guy in front of the class and bowed too.

"Finally, we have Dindunuffin Nuffin and Wewuzkangz Wuzkangz."

The remaining two guys joined the rest.

"Would you like to introduce yourselves?" Sensei asked.

Martin took the initiative. "Good day to y'all fellas! First off, to introduce ourselves, everyone is from Detroit, except for Nuffin, who can be said to be straight outta compton." He chuckled at the last bit.

Everybody who got the reference laughed with him. The wack af joke put the class in a light-hearted mood. It is evident that the new students were already growing on some of Hachiman's classmate.

If the first guy showed class and grace, the second guy could be said to be the next Donald Trump.

"Greetings everybody! I am Haram, and I am tremendously proud of coming to this tremendous school. I have already made some friends, and I will be prepared to make even more friends. Everyone is welcomed to the Haram Train. Our forged bonds will be so strong, and will be so yuuuuge. Let's make Sobu High School great again!"

Everyone erupted forth with rapturous applause. "Such an amazing speech," Sensei whispered to herself as she wiped away a tear.

The rest introduced themselves as well. All of them showed class, grace and humility. They were warmly embraced by the class.

"I will be leaving for awhile, I hope you have a good time in our class." Said Sensei. She was blushing the entire time.

Once Sensei walked out of the class, all hell broke loose.

"Ayyoooo ayooo gibe dis gibe dat gibe free shietz lol in Detroitz we wuz gansta n shietz n now we hav 2 go school n nawt git paid fo shietz dayum kapitalism u unfair af rofl nigga," Wuzkangz suddenly chimped out in front of the class. He grabbed one of the tables and smacked all the books onto the ground. "I fucking hate educashun smfh!"

"Dis shitz dat shitz niggatastic uncle tom gon git his ass kicked. I c wun wannabe racist koon smh gon' extort lunch money from him lmfao," Haram pointed an accusatory finger at Hachiman, whom he identified as racist through his anti-bigotry niggasense.

Hachiman was shocked. Just minutes ago they appeared to be based af. He thought that he could finally make some friends. Turned out that they chimped out even worse than the most irredeemable delinquents in school. It seemed like a scene straight out of dawn of the apes 2.

Pandemonium took over soon as the four students rioted and started destroying things.

"Aye git the fuk outta here iz cultural appropriation," Nuffin lashed out at Sagami as he ripped the totem pole decor out of her bag. Sagami tried to protest but has decided to shut up after spotting Haram pumping his fist at her.

Soon the entire class was exposed to the new students' savagery.

"What are you doing!" Yui yelled in surprise as one of the niggers suddenly grabbed her butt.

"Mmmmmm yo bum liek bubblegum mmmm fantastik git gud git gud giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit guuuuuuud," Wuzkangz smacked his lips as he squeezed Yui's ass tightly.

"Did i jus heard azz?"

The remaining 3 walked towards Yui's table. "Mmmmm dayum gurl gibe gibe pussy fo da poor azz niggaz."

"Stop it!" Yui tried to resist the monkeys but it was to no avail. Fortunately, just as Wuzkangz was about to pull down her panties, one of the niggers heard footsteps along the corridor.

"Oh shietz nigga someone's comin' fuk mi lyfe mang smfh errbody shut it down!"

Sensei walked into the classroom. "Hello! How is the interaction going on?"

"Very well indeed, ma'am. Cultural enrichment is taking place right now as we speak," Wuzkangz replied.

Nobody dared to speak up. Under such a facade, it would be impossible to convince Sensei about their true nature.

Sensei nodded in approval before walking out of the class. Once she was out of earshots, chimp outs resumed.

"Ayooooooo dat wuz close man dat bitch be sneaky fo real smh."

"Damn nigga shietz almos git us busted lol."

"Bum diddy bumz donkey nigga giddup giddup giddy giddy giddup mofo lmfao bust da capz mang on yo azz mang nigga fine af we wuz kangz n shietz fuc da polis fuc da kkk big respekt 2 lil b based thug lyfe mothafucka!"

The four of them chimped out so bad that froth began forming from their mouth. Meanwhile, the rest of the class were busy looking forward to recess.

Recess finally came, and the four of them dashed out of the class, knocking over one of the students.

In the cafeteria, there were lots of resentment within the students.

"Wtf are they even humans? They behave like apes!"

"I can't stand them! Why do they even come here in the first place?"

"They should go back to their shithole of a country!"

"Next time if I fill in a career form I'm simply going to write Ku Klux Klan."

Hachiman sat alone in one corner. He could not wait to share with Yukino about the whole incident.

Suddenly, a loud shriek jolted Hachiman off his seat. He stood up and looked in the direction of the source.

Wuzkangz was grabbing Totsuka's buttz. He was being very rough with Totsuka.

"Holy fuk girl u ain't git no ass smfh lol."

"I'm a boy…" Totsuka stuttered.

"Ayyooo say what?"

Wuzkangz, after finding out Totsuka's true gender, was feeling angry, embarrassed and disappointed at the same time.

He grabbed Totsuka by the collar and slammed him face into his bento.

"What do u mean u wuz boy nigga? Fuk yo tryna making me gay n shietz? Fuk yo shietz trap nigga eat mah fists gay faggot!"

He pulled Totsuka back up. The bento line had made an imprint on his face. Tears of desperation were flowing down his cheeks.

Bullying cute Totsuka.

OVER. THE. FUCKING. LINE

"Stop that shit right now you stupid nigger!" Hachiman exploded and lunged at Wuzkangz, dropping him onto the ground. Once he was dominating Wuzkangz, he started punching the living hell out of the latter.

"Oof me dindu nuffin lemme go!" Wuzkangz tried to feign innocence. This only made Hachiman angrier. Just as he was about to deliver the final blow, hachiman felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning back, he was immediately knocked out by Wuzkangz's friends. In his anger, Hachiman had forgotten about the remaining three guys. Now that it was 4 against 1, Hachiman found it impossible to win the battle.

That was when Hayama stepped in.

"Stop!" Hayama hollered at the niggas as he shielded Hachiman from their kicks and punches.

Just then, his ringtone went off.

"Violate that bitch" by Lil B.

The niggas immediately stopped on their tracks.

"Holy fuk based god music methink dis nigga be on our side."

"Ayoooo i nvr knew ur one of us respekt homie," Haram fistbumped Hayama. The other niggas stopped fighting and began dabbing to Based God's divine masterpiece.

Meanwhile, Hachiman was lying in the corner, being forgotten again.

Not this time, thought Hayama. This time I'm going to tell the whole world the good that you have done.

And so Hayama walked to Hachiman and pulled him up.

"Hachiman, you stood up for your friend and risked yourself when doing so. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten," Hayama said as he hugged Hachiman, "you are truly a noble person."

There was a moment of silence before everybody applauded. Hachiman was finally known for his good side.

The niggas, however, interpreted the entire scene wrong.

"Ayooo listen up here, if dat blonde homie be giving respekt to da ahoge nigga, he must git lotta powerz, know what i'm sayin'?"

Martin agreed. "And all deez niggaz be clapping fo him n shietz. Dat cud only mean one thang."

"If blonde nigga iz an Based God follower…"

"And tha blonde nigga gibed respekt to dat other nigga…"

"And peepz be clapping fo him, dat meanz dat…"

"...dat nigga be Based God."

The niggas fell silent. Indeed they could not rule out the possibility of Hachiman being Based God. The fact that so many people clapped for Hachiman could only imply that they worshipped him. Hachiman is Based God after all.

The four of them instantly dropped to their knees in front of their new-found deity.

"O Based God! Please forgive us for our sins!"


	3. Ihren Kampf

/*Hachiman's POV*/

It has been one week since the four black students came to our school.

They were disastrous! They throw tantrums in class, beat up students whom they deem as racists and generally behave like a loose bull in a China shop. At first one of them thought that I was racist— probably because of my dead, unfazed eyes— and had intended to extort lunch money from me.

At first I never had the intention to intervene with their savagery. However, after witnessing one of them bullying the ever so moe and helpless Totsuka, I lost my cool and beat the shit out of the bully, albeit not resolute but purely out of impulse.

Under normal circumstances I would have gotten a huge ass-whooping I would find hard to forget. Fortunately, at the last moment, the ever so noble Hayama stepped in.

And less than a minute later, I found myself being put up on a pedestal, worshipped by the negros as "Based God".

I had forgotten exactly how the events unfold, but I was relieved to not end up becoming their mutual nemesis.

And from that day onwards, the four of them converted to Hachimanism.

Every morning, they would pledge allegiance to me.

"Hachiman is the one and only Based God, and Prophet Hayama is his messenger."

With my new-found title of Based God, I started hanging out with the niggers. They were more than pleased to have me as company.

They were still fairly rowdy in class whenever the teachers turn their back on them. However, as the day went by, the monotony of schoolwork took over their initial hype and they found themselves more prone to toning down their chimp-outs.

We often hang out during recess, where we would have a good time engaging in conversations. We talked about pretty diverse stuff and topics range from life in the States to drug etiquettes.

I was able to understand each and every one of them better through these conversations.

Two of them were childhood friends, namely Haram and Martin.

Haram arguably had the most comfortable life among them. He was born in Brooklyn to a rich drug lord. At the age of 3, his father left for Paris, and from then on, he became a typical fatherless niglet. Despite that his family did not lose everything. Not only did their father leave them the penthouse, but upon cleaning the abode, his mother discovered stacks of cash behind the sofa amounting to 50 million dollars.

Ever since young he was able to live a privileged life, wearing denim jackets and branded sneakers when most of the kids around his hood were barely able to afford plain clothes.

He attended the top grammar school in New York with many of the other black kids whose families were of similar caliber. The future seems bright for him. Whenever mom brought him to church, she would often make magniloquent claims about how her son was going to become the next Ben Carson.

His mom was a highly-educated school teacher too. Under such a positive upbringing, it seemed that Haram was bound to achieve great things in his adulthood.

Unfortunately, the decadent lifestyle was not there to stay.

In the 90s, New York was undergoing major gentrification. Many black tenants were forcefully evicted by the authority and their properties converted to luxurious suites of the rich. Not only were these acts carried out against the people's will, but they were often followed by little to no compensations.

Haram's neighborhood soon became one of the targets. On that day, he was happily walking back home from school, eager to share with mom about the indecent acts committed by his teacher. It was the first time he saw a grown-up's willy in real life. It was also the first time he saw cops in action. He could not wait to see his mother's expression.

When he reached home, he saw mom on the couch, sobbing into a handkerchief. On the table was a form from the housing authority asking them to move before the bulldozers arrive.

Haram was too young to understand. However, one thing that he did understand was that something terrible had happened. He did not know why, and stayed ignorant on the situation until he got on-board the one-way flight to Detroit.

His mom had tried negotiating with the authority. She even tried to bribe the officers that came over to her house. No matter what tricks she pulled up her sleeves, the housing authority remained adamant on their stance— either get out of the way or get fucked by the bulldozer.

The penthouse was sold for a meagre sum of $90,000. All the possessions in the house was auctioned off as his mom wished to start anew in Detroit. Relocation was undergoing and two months later, the housing authority has identified a decent house in downtown Detroit.

When Haram left New York, he was only six.

To say that Detroit was a shithole is an understatement. The once bustling industrial city was on the verge of collapse. everything from infrastructure to housing, water, education and economy, was comparable to many parts of Africa.

Haram was enrolled in a public school as schools for elites were non-existent in the impoverished state of Michigan. The school was unlike what he had experienced back in New York. The slides were broken, the toilets were caked in dried excrements and the water cooler dispensed warm water! Haram could not believe his eyes.

On the flip side, it was in this school that Haram got to know Martin.

In the first few days, he caught the attention of many students, albeit not in a good way. The thuggish schoolboys were amused by Haram's shy and timid appearance and often made fun of him as a result. Soon the taunting escalated into violence as kids began throwing their leftovers and milk bottles at him during lunch.

Haram finally had enough of the bullshit so one day during lunch he let loose all the steam that built up within him.

As he was eating, one of the more provocative thugs smacked him on the back of the head, causing him to plunge face first into his lunch.

The other kids burst out in laughter as they watched Haram haplessly trying to remove spaghetti sauce from his face.

Little did they expect that the usually pavid Haram would suddenly rise up from his seat and deal grievous bodily harm to the provocateur.

"Sometimes you just don't know when to stop huh?" Haram screamed as he repeatedly punched his target in the face. His target was crying and pleading him to stop. He claimed to be a "gud boy" who "dindu nuffin". Haram ignored him and continued ploughing his fist into the latter's face.

"Sumbody call da cops!" The cafeteria soon fell into disarray as kids ran all over the place. Some kids were trying to find a teacher. Just then the headmaster came with a whip in his hands. "Who is making all these noise? Better own up!"

Haram and the other boy were in plain sight. "Why are you two niggers fighting! Are your parents too black to educate you?" the headmaster hollered at the two of them. When no words came out of their mouth, the headmaster drew his whip and started lashing haphazardly at the two of them.

"Fucking nigger kids making a mess in my school! What gave you two such audacity to fight here? Niggers!" the headmaster screamed as he violently whipped the two of them. "That will teach you thugs a lesson I hope!"

When the headmaster stopped whipping them, Haram got up. However, the boy lying next to him suddenly grabbed his legs.

Haram tensed up, ready to beat the brains out of the boy and end his worthless life.

"Nice fight fella, nvr knew u had it in u mah nigga," the other boy grinned at him and gave him a thumbs up.

From that day onwards, Haram and Martin became the best of friends.

Halfway through Haram's story, I suddenly realised that my eyes were turning misty. Which was indeed a strange thing, for I was never the type of person to be moved to tears. I didn't cry during that one time Yui brought me to watch a tragic movie. While hating to admit it, I was in fact enjoying myself throughout. Yui was clinging on my shoulders and sobbing openly. While doing so, her voluptuous boobies were pressed against my body.

I didn't cry either when Yukino revealed that she had aids and only got six months to live. Turned out to be a joke, but my deadpan reaction to the news greatly offended her. Consequently, I was barred from all club activities for the rest of the week.

I didn't even cry when helping Komachi to cut onions.

Which is why I was surprised when tears started forming in my eyes while listening to Haram's anecdote.

The story was just so touching. The fact that a friendship can blossom under such tough times touched me to no end. I was partially guilt-ridden over my nihilistic outlook towards life.

After sharing their anecdote, I had so much more respect for the four of them.

Unlike them, I was only disenfranchised by society under my own imagination. They had to suffer the real deal, losing out so many times in life because of institutionalized racism. Despite that they have gone through the struggle, battled the odds, and eventually scored a decent enough mark to enroll in our school.

In the eyes of outsiders, they may appear as your typical hoodrats. Sure, they can be loud, disruptive and at times violent, but who is more to blame than the regressive system which they came from in the first place?

I am beginning to like them more and more. In the 16 years of my worthless existence, I might finally find myself some friends.


End file.
